A Legacy of Druids Caption Competition
November 27th, 2015
Well now you know it! It’s official – the collective noun for a group of Druids is a legacy!
And it’s also the title of a collection coming out in April next year, edited by Ellen Hopman.
It’s published by Moon Books and has its own web-page here.
And now it’s time for a caption competition. What is the Druidess saying to the Druid? And what is he thinking, or muttering to himself?
Samhain, Samhain, Samhain, I’m sighin’ for you….. (mutters: ‘where’s me bleedin viagra’)
Look at the state of your robe! How am I supposed to get that clean?
Raise your arm and give us a kiss
“Well HIS bum doesn’t look big in it”!!!
‘Is that a fracking drill under your robe or are you just pleased to see me?’
Druid: ‘My sickle slipped and I’m undone’
Priestess: ‘Your mistletoe seals us into one!?!’
Druid: ‘I’ll get you a Carynx ear trumpet for winter solstice’
Priestess: ‘You’re almost as romantic as that golden sickle of yours’
Druidess: What? You call that a sprig of mistletoe? Why didn’t you climb higher? Did you even try to find a decent oak tree? Didn’t I teach you any better than that? …..
Druid: (muttering) Oy, I wish there was a DISTANCE learning course.
You should have known better Basil, you darling delinquent fool.
It was my job to get the mistletoe this year and now you’ve ruined the magic potion for ALL OF US for a WHOLE YEAR, dearest.
Thank the stars I know the captivating fishmonger’s wife in a delightful village near the north coast of Normandy. Luckily she has Getafix under her thumb,…..sugar plum….
Do go and mop the sacrificial altar slab…. and do remember the cup and rings this time…there’s a silly billy.
The Druidess is saying to the Druid, “You’re only wearing one shoe!”
Amd he is thinking, “Goddessdammit, she is embarrassing me!”
Druidess, “Who did you fool with your shiny sickle this time?”
Druid, “This elderly Roman, Plinius or something like that.”
Druidess: Climbing trees at your age, look at the start of you, and your robe !!! Look at mine do you see the difference ?
Druid: (darkly to himself) if that’s all the bloody thanks I get she can get her own bloomin’ mistletoe next time.
Druides: You have bought that mistletoe at the discount shop haven’t you. Bought yourself yet another sickle while you were there, didn’t you.
Druid: well It did save a lot of time, and I did not have one in this size. Couldn’t resist could I.
Druidess:(very irate) “Are you listening to me or do I have to give you ear cleaners for Yule I will ask again……. Where did you get that mistletoe from?”
Druid: “There she goes again, I’m not listening tra la la la la…..”
I’ll take the mistletoe from here.
Druidess: “Reach unto me the sacred Mistletoe, as I will bear it from here.”
Druid: “Yes, take this offering of my hand and together we walk forward to the altar.”
druidess” is that mistletoe been properly cleaned yet?”
druid to himself” what she thinks i do not know what i am doing”
outloud to druidess Yes dear i just cleansed it so you don’t have to.
Look at that! I just swept the path and in you come tracking mistletoe leaves, mud, and mead, and the Gods know what else. That’s it. I’m sending a raven to your mother.
“Great! Hand me that mistletoe, don’t let it touch the ground.”
He’s thinking “What are they doing over there? What did she just say to me?”
“Is that all the mistletoe you could be bothered to cut for goodness sake….”
“I’m just so knackered……….should’nt have had that last jug of mead last night”!
I’m going to assume that’s a mistletoe stain on your robe.